Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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