He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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