Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
