I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
