Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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