Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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