i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
