her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
