Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
