thus making me awesome and them whores
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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