Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
