i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize