the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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