I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
