Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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