i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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