just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
