and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize