wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
