I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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