hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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