Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
