You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
