i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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