she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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