I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
