I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
