you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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