i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
