I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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