just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
