I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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