He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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