Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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