I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough