At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.