I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer