you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.