so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.