I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea