Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor