At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
