i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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