just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
