I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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