I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
