Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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