all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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