You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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