Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
