Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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