Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
