Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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