My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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