I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize