I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
